My Romanian sister in law was rather horrified to hear that I wanted to take her 12-year old daughter hitching. But she’s open-minded enough to realise that the chances of robbery, rape or abduction — or any of the horrors that the media feed us — are negligible in the Scottish Borders which is, after all, a scarcely populated wilderness where everyone knows everyone else.
She also knows that I’ve hitched hiked in Romania, and alo Asia, (see Hitching into Tibet), and that I’d be unlikely to sell her daughter into slavery.
Hitching is a great way to go. Not only is it a cheap means of transport but it’s a guaranteed way to meet people. It requires an element of humility and that’s something we all need. The risks are low, probably less than cycling, but the media love to sensationalise any isolated incident resulting in unfounded fears about this most brilliant way of getting around.
What makes hitching particularly relevant today is that it’s an excellent method of travel without producing carbon emissions. Of course you could say that by getting in someone else’s vehicle you are, in fact, emitting hundreds of grammes of carbon per kilometre — but these people will criticise, dissemble and rationalise anything you do to reduce your carbon footprint. It’s their form of defending the status quo.
Is hitching really so great?
The problem with hitching is that, more often than not, you end up at the side of the road — in the Scottish cold and rain or the baking heat of Romania’s summer — for hours on end; and the longer you don’t get a lift, the more you lose faith in human nature.
But when you do get a lift you get a rush of joy and your faith in humanity is instantly restored.
So when my niece and I got a lift, within a few minutes of standing at the side of the road, I was amazed. This just doesn’t happen to me; usually I have to walk for miles, or wait for hours and sometimes I cheat by hopping on a bus. But, looking at it from the driver’s point of view, picking up an adult with a kid is helpful and community-minded but picking up a lone, weird-looking man probably seems to the driver more risky (half remembered news stories of men with knives, and fragmented memories from horror films, probably flashes through their minds).
The kindly lady-driver took us for a few miles, left us at a junction and after walking a few hundred yards we got another lift — and then things started to get really interesting, as often happens when hitching.
Learning about dogs and war
My niece got into the back of a large estate car and was immediately covered in friendly dogs; she didn’t complain. I got in front and started chatting with the overweight driver, who looked like he was about 60 and sounded English. We drove on through the hills.
“You know what the fastest animal on Earth is,” he asked.
“Er…isn’t it the leopard?”
“You need to re-frame the question. The answer is ‘Over what distance?’”
“Eh? I don’t understand.”
“It’s like this. The leopard can reach the fastest speed over short distances, but it soon runs out of steam. Over a medium distance the dog is the fastest; but can you guess what’s fastest over long distances?”
“Er…a horse.”
“No. It’s a human. A man can run more or less indefinitely. Did you know that the American Indians used to hunt deer by chasing them for day after day, until the poor beast dropped with exhaustion? And they used to tame wild horses by chasing them until the animal just gave up, turned towards the pursuing man and accepted his domination.”
This guy was fascinating and I was an eager listener. As my niece was being used as a dog bed in the back seat I was plying him with more questions, trying to learn more about the wisdom of indiginous people — from whom we can learn a lot about protecting our planet. But he changed tack and started talking about the 1982 Falklands War, when Maggie Thatcher sent our armed forces to the other side of the world to reclaim some sheep-filled islands the Argentians had occupied.
“I was in the air force back then,” he explained. “I was in charge of supplying our base in the Ascension Islands which is half way between the UK and the Falklands.” These islands are located in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, but they’re so small as to be almost invisible.
He then told me something truly amazing, that I’ve never seen mentioned elsewhere in all the books and films I’ve seen on the issue. He explained that all the fuel needed for the Falklands War was stored in huge rubber envelope-shaped containers that were laid out by the sea-shore on the Ascension Islands. I know the kind of containers he meant as the aid agencies used to install them on hospital roofs during the Bosnian war, as vast water tanks.
“If the Argentinians had known about this fuel dump,” he said, “and if they’d had a few daring commandos in a rubber dinghy, they could have turned up with a mortar and blown the whole lot up. It would have been game-over in an instant.”
I love stories like these — offering an inside view and a new insight into an event that you think you already understood. It turns your knowledge on its head and makes you realise that you only ever really know a fraction of the full story (and, as long as you can accept that you don’t need to know everything, it’s fine).
It was also a reminder that hitching is one of the most friendly and interesting modes of transport, as you are more likely to have a conversation than on the bus, train or plane — and sometimes these conversations are fascinating.
- Introduction to 12 Jobs in 12 Months - April 23, 2024
- Why am I writing a Book About 12 Jobs in 12 Months? - April 4, 2024
- A Guide to Ukraine’s Future - February 19, 2024
All I can say, Rupert, is Thank God for the younger generation. I think they’re here to save us.
When I was your age, Lara, boys were mainly vandalising bus shelters and girls were swopping coral shades of lipstick.
Are the up and coming generation more woke because they need to be? Issues are now pressing. I also think they are less credulous, and don’t suck in the spin. At least – a certain sector of the youth are apparently informed and militant. However, there is also the reactionary but growing counter movement that seems to feed on ignorance. We live in Polaric times
Lara, what insightful comments. They confirm my suspicion that young women (and men) are somewhat pinioned between two forces. The one being actual threat, with all its variables, and the second, our own sense of security which is so often triggered by what we’ve heard.
It reminded me of all the unspoken methods girls used to be safe (eg. tracking a route around town so that a group of girls could get safely back home without being alone.)
In the 80s and 90s I hitched because, although I had heard of Ted Bundy, and had listened to tales of uncomfortable pick ups, it wasn’t enough evidence to put me off the practical aspects of needing to get from A to B.
Also- and this is now incredible, – sexual assaults were seen as a part and parcel of life for a girl back then. Barely consensual sex was so common for girls who a) didn’t want to be seen as frigid and b) didn’t have the social norms to support them to think otherwise. Unpleasant but dutiful sex was a topic for eye rolls and tuts. If it was reported, it would have been due to violence or some secondary issue.
That things are different now is good. Have some men’s attitudes changed due to this? Yes. Up until now, opportunist sex was easier to find. Now I think there is a newer, angrier edge to some men’s attitude. Some think that sex is an outcome that is being stolen or reclassified and women are either gate keeping this resource, or even worse, women are now prey that need to be hunted down and divested. The many unpleasant websites that proliferate on the dark web are part of this.
There is the old saying ‘On a first date, men worry about being laughed at, women worry they’ll be raped’ is so very true. Female sensibility has made us now vulnerable to ourselves. Rape is no longer ‘normal.’
However, then, as now, girls who hitch hike together and only accept lifts from women are taking precautions that will probably be ok. How funny we need to think this way.
Hi Sophie, thanks for your comment! It’s a difficult time right now for sure, for everyone. I do think, for all it’s drawbacks, social media and the internet have managed to bring a real social awareness to the younger generation. I imagine before that it would be difficult to understand other people’s experiences unless you personally knew people who dealt with them, and they were comfortable enough to share them with you. Like I commented above, I was very much unaware of how bad racism, homophobia and even sexism were until I learned of them through the internet, and funnily enough I became very aware of the issues people of color faced at a time when I didn’t personally know any. Most of my friends now are very woke and understand the social problems around us, but I’m still shocked at how many people of the younger generations continue with their patriarchal and racist bullshit. It’s definitely something to be learned. For a long time I wouldn’t say anything if I heard people make homophobic, racist or sexist jokes, but I now try to call people out on them and turn them into an opportunity for learning as much as I can. There’s an old tweet thread I saw that said that when you laugh along to rape jokes, even if you’re against rape, there’s a possibility people in the group are either survivors or possible rapists, and laughing along just alienates the former and reinforces to the latter that rape is funny, it’s normal, and basically has your vote of confidence.
I think movies and TV shows in recent years also show this changing mentality. Some people consider the shift in representation of people and stories to be a bad thing, but what we see in the media really shapes our opinions of people. More POC, gay storylines and women really shape our understanding of the world, and in many cases when talking about issues that affect them it’s done with a lot of care and compassion. One solid example is the Brooklyn Nine Nine episode where the off duty black lieutenant is harassed by a cop because he’s in a nice neighborhood and assumes he’s there for some kind of criminal activity. The conversations about this within the episode are very thoughtful, including explaining to his young daughters what happened. The fact that such a mainstream sitcom will address storylines like this is a big deal, and I can’t imagine it would have been approved 30 years ago. We’re shaped by what we see on TV and having storylines challenge the norm is a big deal.
In terms of sexual assault, I feel like I’ve witnessed a lot of shifts throughout my life. Growing up in Romania it was also seen as normal, and many of my friends made rape jokes sometimes. I’m sure a lot of people still view it as normal, and there’s still a lot of problems reporting it, as well as with these ingrained attitudes and so many people arguing that rape victims are lying or are trying to ruin a man’s life by reporting. It’s sad to see so many headlines about false rape accusals, when we know they make up such a tiny fraction of rapes. It’s also disheartening how few men actually get prosecuted or punished for rape. We still have a long way to go, but I feel like social awareness has come so far and it’s made it a lot less taboo to call out rape and sexism.
It’s really cool that you hitchhiked, though I can’t imagine having the balls to do it. I also totally agree that this new angrier side to men is very scary, but it’s something we need to contend with. The whole system’s set up at the detriment of women, and raising boys to understand they’re not entitled to a woman because she’s dressed sexy or flirted with them is the next big step. Losing the whole “boys will be boys” rhetoric is another one. With what I’ve seen and experienced, I think we’re on the right track.
(Really didn’t mean to write a tome again, I just get very passionate about these things lol 😅)
This is great! Really interesting.
I used to hitch hike but I would find it hard to think of my daughter hitching. Does your daughter hitch?
My daughter doesn’t hitch but I wouldn’t have a problem if she did as she’s a very sensible creature, and knows how to look after herself.
From what I’ve seen a lot of women do hitchhike — with other people.
I don’t think it’s as dangerous as many people seem to think. Is it any more dangerous than crossing the road? I rather doubt it.
What sensible hitchhikers do, and certainly any women I’ve come across who are hitching alone, is evaluate the driver when he stops. First impressions are often accurate and if the guy looks like a creep he probably is and you should follow your instinct and refuse to get it.
Hi, daughter in question here. I do not hitch and I don’t really plan to, despite how much Dad’s always been raving about it. As someone who walks down the streets at night wielding my keys like a weapon and always makes sure I have my ride share options on every time I get an Uber (or someone knows exactly where I am and where I’m headed and my ETA and maybe I’ll even share my location in other ways if it’s not an Uber), I hardly have the temperament for hitching. Also @Dad first impressions are often accurate but I’ll refer you to the whole Ted Bundy case and the fact that no one could believe such a charming man was a serial killer.
Now, I don’t have anything against hitchhiking and I can see why some can see it as eco friendly and fascinating. But it’s definitely not for me. I’d rather pay extra for a train or a bus.
Hope this doesn’t put a damper on your evening! And it’s a really great article and sounds like you’ve had some fascinating experiences Dad. Now I might sound neurotic but I feel like that’s reasonable enough since there’s constant headlines all around making me and other women feel very unsafe in various spaces, and personal experiences add to that, experiences that men are much less likely to encounter. There’s a lot of things we do as women that men won’t understand but that come from a deep-seated and learned anxiety, and that’s fucked up, but I think it’s much more important that people who don’t experience them understand and empathise with us and don’t try to make us “get out of our comfort zones” because that just isn’t gonna cut it. It’s similar to how I’ve noticed men be quite shocked by my telling them to “text me when you’re home safe”, whereas with a lot of women it’s an unspoken agreement, and not the only one there is. There’s a lot of small moments of female solidarity that seem completely normal to us but unknown to men.
I don’t mean to speak for all women here by any means. And of course, everything is dangerous, like Dad said. I just know that myself and many other women who I know personally are in this same boat. Obviously there are women who have no problem hitchhiking, and more power to them, I’m just not one of them.
Really didn’t mean to get into a rant! Again, great article.
WOW, what an enriching comment. And I’m not just saying that as I am “the Dad”, but because I have really learned something here — to be open and aware about women’s perspectives.
I think the key phrase in Lara’s comment is that those of us “who don’t experience” their concerns, “understand and empathise with us…”
Another thing I learned from Lara as she was growing up was not to force her out of her comfort zones and force things on her — sporting activities for instance, certain behaviours, academic goals, etc etc. At least I hope I didn’t do this as a Dad and if I did I apologise.
I’ve been around this discussion about hitching for much of the last 30 years and, I must confess, I have been a bit dismissive of it as I wasn’t aware of the problems that women face — in general and when travelling. I will try to listen better in the future and be aware of my tendency towards dismissiveness.
I really appreciate that, I think one of the most important things is having men aware and understanding of the problems women face. Also you really haven’t been too pushy about that kind of getting out of my comfort zone stuff and thanks for that, and I think a great thing about you is that you’re open to different viewpoints and will try to understand them, which a lot of people don’t do.
The tendency to dismissiveness is understandable and what’s important is being aware of it and working to improve it. None of us can always understand what other people go through if we haven’t been in the same boat as them. Similarly, while I was raised very liberally, I probably was very unaware of racism and any racist kinds of thoughts, as well as homophobia/transphobia and other gendered microaggressions until I started learning about them and understanding the other side. As a white middle class woman, I won’t be able to understand the experiences that people of color, trans people, or men have, but being open to learning about them is all anyone can do and in my case at least it’s really opened my eyes, just like hopefully other people can learn by learning about women’s experiences.
There’s also the issue that a lot of us are raised in a racist/sexist/homophobic environment, even if we were surrounded by liberal leaning people. Your parents were very empathetic and understanding but I can imagine that growing up in the 60s there were a lot of ideas that you learned which may have had an effect on your perception of others. Similarly, you guys were very much against racism and sexism but growing up in Romania, a quite racist, sexist and homophobic environment with a very conservative leaning population (if I may say so myself), definitely left me with mannerisms and opinions that followed in that vein. I clearly remember feeling ashamed and worried about my brother when he would be effeminate or performing traditionally feminine things. Actually being open to learning about other people’s experiences and realising your actions or points of view were wrong and perpetuating racism/sexism/homophobia is difficult but it is also very valuable to curtailing those things, one person at a time.
Again, great article and it sounds like you’ve had some awesome experiences hitchhiking.